theShawnDavis

i dont know what i do.  like at a party and someone ask "what do you do?"
id probably say i work for the county, in road maintenance, snowplowing and making repairs within the county right of way.  thats what i do for my paycheck.  thats what consumes most of my time, thought and energy, whether i am on the clock or not.  i want to shut that world off.  i wish my work, or the thing that paid my bills wasnt a compartmentalized part of my life.  i actually want my livelihood to be dependent, and unavoidable in all aspects of life.  i want to dream of getting to the things i love, that will provide my family.  how sad to loathe the thing that at least in the present is literally putting food on the table and roof overhead.  i want to be defined by that which i cannot live without, and compensated for things that are a joy to contribute to.  i want meaning and worth, challenges and rewards for my creativity in solving problems, improving processes and quotas.  i want the things in life that give me pride to be the things that give me joy and sustain me.