theShawnDavis

so many things to do!  really, dont understand how,(or why) people with kids do it.  i compare myself to the best parts of people and cherry pick all these things we need to be to keep up.  its a good tool i guess, but its pretty unatainable.  i want the best of everyone ive ever met to be seen in myself, but in order for that to work id need infinite time to learn, perfect and implement skills that i quite honestly do not have the capacity to handle. 
what is it about feeling busy?  its a way of feeling that makes me think i am missing out on something.  somehow, if i wasnt doing whatever it is im doing that is using my time, that i am inherently missing out on a better, more productive or fulfilling opportunity.  what is the desire to be productive, if you are even able to constantly improve, too what end?  where is the finish line, dead with an uncompleted list.  i want to focus on the present but from the second i wake up i am planning my day, how i'll set up a job at work, the route ill take to get errands done, the personal calls i'll make on my breaks, and my time after work.  at the end, i still feel like there's jobs left undone.  i cant even think of what they are, so why does it nag me?  there is not end.  there is no pot of gold, no light at the end of the tunnel, no fat lady singing. 
i should cultivate abilities that make me more present, more loving, kind, understanding and uplifting.  learn to be ok being still.  silent.